Update

The universe is demanding a total refocus of my time and energy. There are no danoparticles of material, nor danoseconds of time remaining that will not be completely focused on staying embodied and whole. The divine has placed in front of me a number of sources of material to further define what is unfocused energy mostly in the form of human interaction.
The divine has shown me the way forward.
1 Fully embrace my personal power.
2 Limit all interaction that doesn't further wholeness.
3 Research and follow without deviation the best medical path forward
4 Visualize apoptosis of cells in my body that don't serve me
5 Step into and fully process any beliefs or ideas or emotional content that limit this process.
More to come...

Hospice

Yeah, now don't freak out. We signed up for legal reasons and for pain mgmnt. Legally, Pamela is in the clear if I'm listed and something happens to me and they have WAY better ways of dealing with pain, basically fentanyl patches that are time release so I'm not constantly trying to manage the place in between dingyness and being in pain. I'm AMAZED at how much of my energy that was taking, just holding the pain and then being too messed up to be able to do anything. I'm very happy and feeling SO much better and so much more able to participate. Of course there was some emotional fall out, having to ask for help, receiving, etc and then the little packages in the mail with all the 'what to do ifs' and weird bottles of pills and stuff, but we're over that and having fun again. Love to all.

Sadness is both a natural and healthy expression of loss. It's integrative. It can also be an expression of resistance to what is real when overly indulged. I am struggling with it this morning, asking the divine for more ability to cope. Always heart breaking more open.

I think there is meaning in everything, some reason that we should work to illuminate. I have yet to find value in chronic pain. Any theories? I'm grateful for opiates. Thats all I got so far. :-) Not looking for sympathy, looking for ideas. Pain makes me cranky. Robs my motivation. Gives me compassion. But day after day? Responses: "Maybe the value isn't in the experience itself but in the ability to be able to transcend it....however that may be.... I bet Steven Levine has some beautiful words about it.." "I hear ya brother. I hate pain. I'm lucky that I haven't had to experience much of it but when it arrives it gets real old real fast. When I've been able to really release myself into my pain, you know, become one with it and let go of my suffering and attachment to not having it...then it's okay (not great but okay) But that is a very difficult thing for me to do. Very difficult. I hate pain. It makes me cranky too." And my reply: Thanks for all your help everyone. There is no doubt that being in resistance to it improves neither the pain nor my happiness. I've been holding onto the way I USED to experience my body. Attached to that. Such an engrained viewpoint and source of ego pride. The power of the subconscious programming always amazes me. Rewiring. Feeling the little neural pathways detaching, finding new connections.

Pololu Valley Rainbow

At the end of the day we drove to Pololu lookout and saw this lovely rainbow.

Last shot of the series. Heading back above the mountain road toward Waimea before dropping off to the dry side of the island to land back at Hapuna. Old cinder cone in the photo.

NE Coastline, Big Island, Valleys and Waterfalls.