Volition

Someone said, "CAN u know what ur next thought will be?" The fact of the matter is that I can't know, don't know what my next thought will be. I'm not choosing it. It just generates spontaneously and randomly. If THAT is true than the idea that I'm choosing what to do in my life goes completely out the window! Oh I might "choose" to eat a banana but where did that thought come from? And if some event interferes with that action the banana plan might disappear. Like if the phone rings our something. So i'm not then really in charge or control of anything then. Hmmm.

update

So I haven't posted in awhile. I've been playing with a new med, low dose naltrexone. It's a weird one. Normally given to opiate addicts, it blocks the opioid receptors in the cells. If taken at the dosage given to addicts it keeps them from wanting the drugs by blocking the receptors. When taken in a low dose at night before bed, the receptors are blocked so the cells start creating tons more opioid receptors and the body starts creating lots of natural opioids like endorphins (which are responsible for most of the killer cells in the body) then when the naltrexone wears off by the very early morning, the receptors open up and the endorphins and other killer cells can go in and attack the cancer. The side effect can be outrageous levels of fatigue. Getting the dose right has been an experiment. I'm now at 3 mg/day. Addicts get 50 mg/day. Low dose naltrexone is also used for other immune deficiency diseases like MS, AIDS and lupus. I'm only now getting a handle on my energy levels. BUT, the tumor has gotten smaller after only 5 weeks. That's really cool. Maybe I'll post new pictures of the tumor soon.