Sedona Snow

Sedona

After a few days of recovery post dental work, I sorta checked in to see if I had the energy (and permission, if you will) to drive the 50 mile round trip to Needles for supplies. I got the ok, drove to Needles and felt permission to drive on toward Sedona where I had planned to visit friends. I thought I'd just go to Kingman the first day, about 80 miles or so. I filled up with gas in Kingman and 'decided' I could try for Seligman or Ashfork. Made it to Ashfork and arrived in Sedona the next day. I spent 23 days in Sedona, really enjoyed being with my friends, met a number of other really great people, did some research on a particular type of mushroom to add to my regimen and bought a $150 bottle of tincture.
I left Sedona to pick up P in Las Vegas on January 11th and made it in one drive of about 4.5 hours.

Update

I arrived in the desert in early December. Found a 177k wilderness area near Needles where I could park for free and was mostly alone there for two weeks. As soon as I got there I put out food and water for the birds and instead was visited first by antelope chipmunks, then birds, then apparently a kit fox. There were also desert ravens that would stop by. I used the time to work on jazzy, do inquiry and meditate.

After ten days or so I developed an infection in my mouth. Tried to take care of it with more extreme dental care and goldenseal, but woke up on a Tuesday with face swollen and in extreme pain. I looked up a dental clinic in Fort Mohave, near Needles and started driving the 35 miles. I called them, they got me in and suggested a week of antibiotics to get the swelling down. I drove to the drug store, took double the dose of antibiotics before leaving the store, drove the bus a couple of blocks to an empty parking lot near the hospital emergency room in case it didn't work, took a valium and a dilaudid. An hour later the dilaudid hadn't worked so I took a second one and an hour and a half later, a third. Amazing pain. It finally broke about 9 pm and I was able to sleep.

The next morning drove back to my wilderness area. Went in the next Monday to have it pulled and then back to Turtle Mtn for a few days of recovery.

DJ on Roof Jaz in Background Paradise,Ca Nov 2010

Listening, Curious

Listening, Curious

I can hear the big pines right outside from root to crown
Feel the horses on the next mountain over frisky as the storm approaches
My body bends with the curvature of the earth

Listening...

Our egos are defined by that which is mirrored by others

Fear of what someone will think of me or that anyone WILL think of me comes up. The Relentlessness of the Divine. Quite a bit of discomfort especially in the second part of that first sentence. The fear that I will look into the mirror of others (who are reflecting back to me who I think I am) and there will be nothing there, no reflection, aloneness (the vampire analogy). She's taken away the need to make a living too so that common necessary reflection is gone. I don't need to be seen as a great yoga teacher or the a good restaurant manager or whatever. I don't need to be seen as competent, honest, dependable, nothing. There is no 'need' anywhere for positive reflection or any reflection at all.
Jesus Christ, I just want to fix the window of the RV or something but this stuff comes in as fast as i can track it.
Yet its good and we SHOULD reflect love back to those who ask and can get value from it even from an egoic level. "You ARE a great electrician or mother or whatever. You CAN do this. I see it in you."
So then I'm hammered, stuck in bed and have some resistance around it. No way that i can even contemplate in this now getting up to make breakfast let alone fix something on the RV.

Go deeper into the desert, further from civilization

After dinner last night, I left the warmth of friends and family and fire and laughter and came out to my RV and stood in front of the windshield, looking into the illuminated interior, my life, empty, alone and silent. Not a bad thing but there was a bit of sadness.

I awoke from a dream. The usual 5 am thing. I was part of a band of desert nomads, bedouin, let's say. We had camped with our animals, camels I suppose. A nearby group of British colonists who had apparently taken over the country complained about the noise of our camp and animals and politely said that they didn't want to have to kill us. Our tribal leader said that we would decamp and move deeper into the desert, further from our old routes and paths and that we would have to travel lighter. I asked if we'd be taking half of our gear or more like 10 percent. He said ten percent.

The dream felt pertinent to me as I prepare for my journey to the Southwest, deeper into the desert and farther away from civilization, friends and family.