Like I'm waiting to get home

I still haven't made the psych shift to the idea that this is my home wherever it's parked.

It's like I'm waiting to get home before I do certain things. Like you're on a trip visiting friends or something, instead of living every day in the RV. There's a certain discomfort, hard to hold the total peace, because you're not 'home'.
Like you have to kinda hurry to get to the next place because time is limited, you're going to run out of vacation (I have enough of that angst already, cause I think I may run out of lifetime before i do what, i don't know. Like what's the goal again?).

So I find myself waiting to 'get home' before I do this or that, take better care of myself or whatever. Yeah, I know this is a new experience and it's going to take a bit of time to get used to, this nomadism. Combined with just fear of the unknown on so many levels, it will be a good thing to shift.

The Veil Seems Thin

The veil seems very thin this time of year between the physical and the unmanifest. Life feels very strange to me today. Like I'm more on the far side than this side. I'm not talking morbidity here, more like seeing the separation as the illusion that it truly is. Purpose and meaning in dirtworld really become about loving. Sometimes that loving causes people some painful growth, like when someone grieves our parting either through death or distance. My job is to just continue to love with all of the integrity that I am and allow people to experience what they are called to experience. Not callous, not thoughtless, but neither protecting them from their experiences.



Today, I move to Chico for the final week of preparation. You'd think that I was leaving on an around the world voyage. I look forward to getting past the remainder of this particular transition so that I have the time and energy to just 'be' again and write hopefully with a clearer head (and do better self care).