Sunday, December 7, 2008

So much more to say

Things have been happening so fast that all I've had time to do is scribble them down and not had time to make any sense out of most of it. I will publish more in the ensuing days. I'm off to a meditation in Chico, CA.

having faith

I don’t know if I’ll cure this or how I’ll make it through or what the process will look like or where I’ll be at in 6 months or a year or 3. I’m told that this path is one of increased faith; a faith walk with God. I’m to trust with all my heart, head, soul and strength. ‘No matter what you see, what you feel, know that the healing has taken place, is within you now.” Tears. “God will heal you so others can see the light of God’s love and see that his strength is without limits.” I’m filled to overflowing, but there’s always room for more and if it overflows and pours out of me, then others will just have to see it and be with it and experience it and it will strengthen their faith. Rise up! And be the man that God created me to be. I’m told I’m going to need a mighty strength. Belief beyond measure, Blessed beyond measure. Allow him to carry me.

I want to create an altar outside in the yard. An altar of thanksgiving. And the sign.

Stanford, Remove Primary, Treatment Options

Haven't posted in a while. Blogger's been messed up for a few days, but I've been messed up for a much longer time. Went to a week long trade show the first week of November, came back from there and on the anniversary of my original biopsy went to Stanford to the Head and Neck clinic for consultation. They scheduled another biopsy for the 21st, so did that. They took out some bits including right tonsil and found the primary in there, so completely removed that tonsil. I was on liquid hydrocodone with a massive sore throat for about ten days. Throat is still sore 16 or 17 days later.

Went back 10 days later to explore treatment options. Of course it's chemo/rad vs. a suicide in their minds. I wrestled so hard with all of that and finally opted for a combination of faith and my organic methods. They were surprised that I was 'doing as well as I was' two years after dx. It's been a very tough decision, but conv. treatment... well, I'm tired of talking about it. It's horrendous and would probably involve things like bankruptcy and dentures and being really really sick for quite a while.

Massive interpersonal relationship issues on top of that. Ah, life. I've been in a state of shock. Just coming out. See previous post.