How it be

It seems to be difficult to express to myself even, the feelings that I'm having as life continues to unfold. I'd say that I don't understand it, but it's pretty clear. It's more that the old habits of questioning everything are having some difficulty letting go. “Are you SURE this is ok and that's ok and that it's all going to be ok?” And the answer is frequently an obvious and instantaneous and emphatic yes, almost before the question is formulated. So then what is there for the old egoic fears to do? They have no job, no purpose anymore and they SO want to be involved even if they are no longer actually in control.

I'm very curious of course. “Gee, I wonder what's going to happen next? I wonder what this or that will look like, how it will unfold?”

There is very little I want. Do I want to sell the bus and get things done and get ready for Hawaii and go there? Do I want this experience or that experience? Do I want a drink or to be healed or some boon to appear? No, not really. The word 'want' is a poor characterization. It just so far to date seems to be unfolding in this very appropriate way. I'd say that it's perfection and in a way it is, but appropriate seems a better word. Things that we need just show up. Healing just happens. There isn't anything that I have to do, but it gets done and I know that my body and hands do things, but kind of without any volition on my part.

There is an ongoing deep gratitude of course. That's present.