Day 6 of some low energy stuff

The first 3 days were pretty much in bed. On the fourth day, I was given a couple of hours of energy so I hurried up and did the dishes and cleaned the place and took a shower before the 'ick' came back. Yesterday I had enough energy to entertain a friend for awhile, pet some cows :-) and made lunch in between laying on the bed kinda trying not to pass out. Today hasn't been a lot better. Wonder if this is the new plateau or not. I'm aware at times that this bare minimum maintenance mode is kind of a boring life and not terribly interesting. We'll see what happens next.

Carly comes tomorrow to help with taxes and paperwork. I want to get things 'settled' so I can let it go.

On Thursday, I'm taking the bus to Bellingham for a few days to hang with Carly and Hugs and Jim and then Rockport to Mike and Ann's and then Marblemount to see the tribe up there. God willing, of course. Looking forward to the bit of adventure, change, whatever.

Farther

Passage, immediate passage! the blood burns in my veins!
Away O soul! hoist instantly the anchor!
Cut the hawsers—haul out—shake out every sail!
Have we not stood here like trees in the ground long enough?
Have we not grovel’d here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?
Have we not darken’d and dazed ourselves with books long enough?
Sail forth—steer for the deep waters only,
Reckless, O soul, exploring, I with thee, and thou with me,
For we are bound where mariner has not yet dared to go,
And we will risk the ship, ourselves and all.

O my brave soul!
O farther farther sail!
O daring joy, but safe! are they not all the seas of God?
O farther, farther, farther sail!

Messed up again

Intensely dizzy and exhausted this past 3 days. At times, unable to be out of bed. Of course the mind wants to plan around it, fix it, figure it out, but there's really nothing much for it to do.

There is the realization that at some point this whole game comes to an end and is 'rounded with a sleep'. Poof. Gone.

Prospero:
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,
As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.
The Tempest Act 4, scene 1, 148–158

Lopez Island

And if I remove myself from the experience
There is just the pink and blue sky
The cry of the gull
The pleasant sound of the waves gently lapping
The shellfish and seaweed smell of the sea
Gratitude
And a gentle, sweet sadness
That my heart isn’t big enough to hold it all.

And if I didn't get up in the morning and go down to the sea to light a candle for the sun, how would it know where to come?

Lopez Ferry Landing Eagle

Everyone who lives in the NW HAS to have taken at least one good bald eagle photo, right?

A poem that a friend wrote for me

made a friend recently
it is a most tenuous friendship
he can be taken at any moment
being very sick but ...

his grace, his poise, his humor
infect me with life, with
the power of spirit
indomitable, overcoming

even in weakness
especially in weakness
I find such strength
in his, in my ~ frailty

the pain in my life
has been such a grand companion
learned so much in the rain
that the sun seems almost dim

nothing sticks anymore
it washes away but ...
that makes it all the more precious
all the more fine ...

we talk of love, of suffering
of illness and death
we laugh at these subjects
most morbidly, most entertainingly

we walk the razor's edge
with sureness of step
calmness of mind ~ (well, sometimes)
terrified and unafraid

is anything ever wrong?
my friend asks ...
well yes, of course
but then again, no ...

Charlie Gee 7/10/10