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Fear of what someone will think of me or that anyone WILL think of me comes up. The Relentlessness of the Divine. Quite a bit of discomfort especially in the second part of that first sentence. The fear that I will look into the mirror of others (who are reflecting back to me who I think I am) and there will be nothing there, no reflection, aloneness (the vampire analogy). She's taken away the need to make a living too so that common necessary reflection is gone. I don't need to be seen as a great yoga teacher or the a good restaurant manager or whatever. I don't need to be seen as competent, honest, dependable, nothing. There is no 'need' anywhere for positive reflection or any reflection at all.
Jesus Christ, I just want to fix the window of the RV or something but this stuff comes in as fast as i can track it.
Yet its good and we SHOULD reflect love back to those who ask and can get value from it even from an egoic level. "You ARE a great electrician or mother or whatever. You CAN do this. I see it in you."
So then I'm hammered, stuck in bed and have some resistance around it. No way that i can even contemplate in this now getting up to make breakfast let alone fix something on the RV.
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I love getting your comments, it always makes me happy when I see I have a comment. So I will comment on your blog. I have to say, I sometimes I have a hard time getting the meaning out of written Englisch sometimes, so reading your eloquent and poetic writing is becoming difficult as my Englisch slips away. But I want you to know how much I admire your thoughts and you as a being who shares this life on earth.
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