Saturday, November 13, 2010

Our egos are defined by that which is mirrored by others

Fear of what someone will think of me or that anyone WILL think of me comes up. The Relentlessness of the Divine. Quite a bit of discomfort especially in the second part of that first sentence. The fear that I will look into the mirror of others (who are reflecting back to me who I think I am) and there will be nothing there, no reflection, aloneness (the vampire analogy). She's taken away the need to make a living too so that common necessary reflection is gone. I don't need to be seen as a great yoga teacher or the a good restaurant manager or whatever. I don't need to be seen as competent, honest, dependable, nothing. There is no 'need' anywhere for positive reflection or any reflection at all.
Jesus Christ, I just want to fix the window of the RV or something but this stuff comes in as fast as i can track it.
Yet its good and we SHOULD reflect love back to those who ask and can get value from it even from an egoic level. "You ARE a great electrician or mother or whatever. You CAN do this. I see it in you."
So then I'm hammered, stuck in bed and have some resistance around it. No way that i can even contemplate in this now getting up to make breakfast let alone fix something on the RV.

1 comment:

  1. I love getting your comments, it always makes me happy when I see I have a comment. So I will comment on your blog. I have to say, I sometimes I have a hard time getting the meaning out of written Englisch sometimes, so reading your eloquent and poetic writing is becoming difficult as my Englisch slips away. But I want you to know how much I admire your thoughts and you as a being who shares this life on earth.

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