Life, my attitude and Kanaloa

Working to not only maintain some sort of normal life, dishes, cooking, laundry etc after a major medical event, putting those pieces back into place, but also to be attuned, to not only listen but ask, "Should I do this, that, lay down, do some work?" At the same time observing the attitude with which I navigate the moments. Am I in resistance to this event? How does pain affect that attitude? The growth on my neck looks increasingly bizarre and I'm sure even more gruesome to many people. I don't want to freak out the general public. It even smells bad, probably negatively affects the romantic side of our relationship. And through all that it IS! It just is what it is. Very real. Sometimes I avoid looking at it for days in a row, but that's just avoidance. I've been wearing a hand towel folded in thirds long ways around my neck held in place by a cut off yoga belt. I'm sure that looks interesting. Maybe I need to get a cervical collar so it looks more normal. Mostly my attitude is good, I'm almost always happy, but sometimes the snark creeps in. Just trying to deal with reality. Went to the rocky ocean front last night in the dark in the wind. Kanaloa, ocean god said, "Yeah, I have the power to blow you and your truck right off this rock into the ocean and You/I have the power to heal that thing on your neck too. Continue your work, not prove your worthiness, but go deeper than you've imagined you can, further than anyplace you thought could exist. Keep going." What do I say to that, right? OK then, ok.