I had a bad week a couple of weeks ago, so upped the ante and did a detox diet, got some healing from some local healers. I’m OK now again. The message is that I need to know that I’m worthy of being healed. Maybe that’s arcane? I find myself receiving appreciation from many different sources. I am puzzled by it. I know that I need to breathe that in. The other message is some kind of integration of the cancer diagnosis on a level that’s so deep that it’s hard to describe and being OK with it, not in fear, not even anxiety or worry. I need to get to the point that if it were to mean suffering and death and leaving this place that I love that I would be able to love that too. (I HAVE NO INTENTION OF DOING SO!) Not morbid, just reality. I was telling someone the other day that I am fortunate in a way to be given such clear and strong messages. Slammed to the ground and commanded to choose…now. That old saying ‘evolve or die’.

I went down the hill on the land and sorta found a sorta flattish spot where I’d like to build a little 8’ diameter round meditation deck with a couple of cutouts one for a bowl of water and one for a bowl of fire of some sort. Maybe just a candle. The yin/yang symbol would work great for that with the candle bowl and water bowl where the ‘dots’ are in the symbol. Also perhaps a tiny 10x10 overnight cabin with kerosene lamps and a cot and a window. Anyway, that’s fantasy for off in the future and can’t get in the way of doing my ‘work’ today, huh?