I have to beat this because everyone expects me to

Some days it seems like a lot to ask. Somebody defined a nightmare as
1. Bad things are happening and worse things are threatened.
2. you are powerless to do anything about it
3. There is no end, no time limit, no 'only two more days or years' and it'll be over.

The difference between a nightmare and a bad dream is if you change any one of these. So there will never be a time when I am 'cured'. I'll always be under the threat of anything can happen at any time. There's no denying that number 1 is true. There's not much 'bad' happening at the moment other than relatively subtle daily warnings of tenderness, fatigue and some swelling. The symptoms kinda feel like a 'tease' ongoing, always there. So number 2. I'm not powerless if I choose not to be. Let's turn this from a nightmare into a bad dream. Problem is that I don't want to be strong EVERY Flickin' day! It's tiring, its boring and its not real.

Nietzsche said "When things are really bad, being sane is an insane response".

So back to the beginning. I feel like I need to beat this because everyone wants and expects me to. That's a heavy burden in itself. Here's the list:
"Take your pills every day"
"Only eat healthy"
"Exercise a lot"
"Do your spiritual work" Hey, If I die, I wasn't spiritual enough. Now there's a big responsibility.
"Do your emotional work" Hey, if I die, I wasn't emotionally mature enough (to suit everyone else.)

I might die. If you have a problem with it, "YOU TRY PULLING THIS OFF!!!"