Doc visit report

I went to my doc a few weeks ago, got signed up for blood tests and yesterday had the visit with him where we went over results and talked about the future.

3_17_11 Back from doc. Blood tests are all in the normal range. I was particularly interested in liver and kidney function and they are good. Apparently the body is still functioning pretty optimally given the stress of having to deal with the cancer. Interestingly the body is not ‘seeing’ the inflammation in the neck. Can’t remember what category of numbers showed that, probably white blood cell count or something. Could be that it is dealing with the inflammation without a lot of stress or for some reason the cancer is masking itself from some immune system functions. Also testosterone levels were in the lower third of the normal range.

We talked about end of life issues and pain meds. I've been taking a lot more ibuprofen and sometimes some valium. We’re going to keep on trying more potent antidepressants, anti anxiety and sleep meds. Also going to try some testosterone injections. Might as well bring those levels up. They may help the immune system to function better.

I also got a referral to a radiation oncologist who might be willing to blast the offending area to shrink the thing. This would be considered palliative rather than curative.

What seems to happen after these doc visits that are focused on worst case scenarios and end of life issues is that I get thrown into a funky emotional place that takes some focus to shift. It’s all about death and sickness and ick. I’m not in resistance to any of this (most of the time) but you can’t create miracles of healing while filled with that kind of energy. In addition that energy gets buttressed and reflected by others. People want to freak out and get all morbid. There’s a certain inertia to it.

There’s been an emotional/spiritual process through all of this that I’ve described previously. There’s a knowing now that I CAN keep what I’ve gained without the constant threat of death; that the threat has done its work and there is a knowing that the cancer is not only willing to but wants to let go. It seems to be asking for acknowledgment of the good work that it has done and then encouraged to release, surrender and let go. This would be a focused and active process requiring a lot of quiet time. I’m also thinking about going into a Master Cleanse fast on 3/26 for 3 days with some added liver cleanse supplements and then come off that with raw vegetable juices but the energetic work is more important. The fasting generally takes away the little bit of energy that I have and I’m pretty much bed ridden for those days.