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I don't know how to have this cancer thing, this ugly growth on my neck oozing nasty goo. I didn't get any training in it. Yes, I DO have a beautiful life and i DO know how lucky I am to have so much love in my life.
Shoot. I don't even want to post this, but I'd be holding back if I didn't. It's not that I'm afraid to admit that I don't know how to play this role. I mean, duh, everybody knows that already. And it's easy for me to admit that sometimes I'm afraid. Everybody knows that too. It's admitting that sometimes I'm really sad. I don't want anyone to freak out and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I really am good with it all but I also ride the roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I deny the emotions for awhile and then they come through in a flood when it gets to the point that i can't dam them up anymore with the usual distractions.
I really appreciate all of the love and support. People I don't even KNOW are sending me lovely wishes and prayers and offers of help. I'm really grateful. I get the love coming my way. I'm not a big phone guy and I DO spend a lot of time alone and kinda prefer it. I don't need a thing really. I'm pretty self sufficient and intend to stay that way.
So thanks so much. No worries, mates. There's a plan. It's a good one. I have no idea what it is other than continuing to be aware of what's happening, how I feel about it, do the best I can to polish the lens through which I view the world, be as present as I can as much as I can and be grateful for all of it.
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Okay, I'm not worrying. And yes there is a plan, often times not the one we want or like but a definite plan. And sadness is a part of that plan so that when we feel the joy we truly know and understand what it is. You give me the strength to find the beauty in my world just by being you and pushing me to understand and face my life. Thank you.
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