Paraphrased from Adya, strongly resonated

To be upset about being crucified just doesn’t work either
To be upset about the possibility of never again having another transcendent relationship or transcendent moment, doesn’t help.

You work your way through various levels of letting go, but when you get down to the deepest level, it’s an existential level. It’s not a psychological level although that’s there too. At that level of being, there is just the will to survive, the avoidance of not existing as well as the avoidance of the reality of who you are beyond a mind and a body. That level is kinesthetic, visceral, you feel it physically and it is terrifying. We all say that ‘life is all an illusion,’ but at this level, where you’re being crucified it feels very real.

At that level you get shoved into a corner that gets smaller and smaller and smaller and the further you go, the less your distractions work. When you finally get all the way down to the end, you realize that nothing works here.

It is beyond rational thinking. There are a million and one rational reasons to never let go of holding onto survival and control and identity and self will. It makes no sense.

Ultimately something arises that says, ‘yes, I’ll let go of that too, I’ll die anyway right here and right now.’ All of the spiritual chasing gets condensed down into this single point where it’s all really been coming from anyway. When you finally let go, it’s a great relief.