Relationships

I think, as I said, that by the time you eliminate people who don't come from the same socio/economic background, eliminate a fairly large percentage of the remainder that has not even BEGUN to do their emotional work, eliminate from those, people with whom you don't have good chemistry or who have other problems and then figure you're working with a handful of MEN! Yup, you've just killed off about 99% of your population. :-) I actually know and respect a pretty large number of guys who HAVE done a lot of their work and are strong, hard working and emotionally intelligent. (but they already HAVE boyfriends) Just kidding. You've heard that one? I know a bunch of heterosexual great guys as well. They are somewhat rare but they do exist. They are the kinds of het guys with whom I maintain friendships. I don’t have any male friends who don't basically meet those criteria.

OK, in fact what I call REAL men are faced with the same odds, if you will. Most women that I know COMPLAIN that there are no guys who are emotionally available AND manly (strong, courageous, capable, or whatever), reasonably attractive and good team mates. But they are actually ATTRACTED to guys who are arrogant, self absorbed and borderline abusive. I can guarantee that this is true because many years ago I tested that theory. To get completely nerdy on the subject, you might attribute this to historical conditioning. These types are seen, perhaps, as strong and able to protect the cave and the family.

OK, I'll admit that there is one other category of men that a certain large group of women find attractive and that is guys who are wealthy. The Take Care of Me class of females and they are quite abundant. An associated group of women are those that neeeeeeed to be taken care of emotionally. I guess that goes for a lot of guys also. In theory, at least, there are a greater number of women who are emotionally well-balanced. I wonder sometimes if it's actually true.

I think the only way this ever works in the modern world among reasonably well-balanced people is when equals get together and are completely aware of the importance and value of doing whatever work is involved to deal with their OWN issues as they come up AND to make an ongoing and considerable investment in the relationship. Doesn't mean that we are strong in all areas and that girls can't be girls and boys can't be boys. Just need to discuss, make agreements and figure out ways to make it all work.

I have said that relationships are one of the faster paths to enlightenment (the other being terminal disease :-)) If two people are truly loving and in relationship, whatever 'stuff' you have that ISN'T love will bubble to the surface to be healed by love. In a healthy, balanced relationship, stuff bubbles to the surface and your partner supports you in working it out. Requires time and energy and focus. Also, it seems that some of the 'stuff' that YOU are packing around fits like a key in a lock to whatever 'stuff' your PARTNER is packing around. This can sometimes be quite volatile. That's why it takes incredible commitment. Just how important is a real relationship? Maybe just easier to avoid the whole thing and do serial dating for the rest of our lives? :-)